Ambiguity

Nothing in English has been ridiculed as much as the ambiguous use of words, unless it be the ambiguous use of sentences.
Ben Franklin said, "Clearly spoken, Mr. Fogg.
You explain English by Greek".
Richard Brinsley Sheridan said, "I think the interpreter is the hardest to be understood of the two".
And a witty American journalist remarked over a century ago what is even more true today, "Many a writer seems to think he is never profound except when he can't understand his own meaning".

There are many types of ambiguity and many of them have been described by rhetoricians under such names as amphibology, parisology, and other ologies.
In common parlance they would be described as misses -- misinterpreters, misunderstanders, misdirectors and kindred misdeeds.

One species of ambiguity tries to baffle by interweaving repetition.
"Did you or did you not say what I said you said, because Jane said you never said what I said"?

Another woman, addressing Christmas cards, said to her husband: "We sent them one last year but they didn't send us one, so they probably won't send us one this year because they'll think we won't send them one because they didn't last year, don't you think, or shall we"?

Such ambiguous exercises compound confusion by making it worse compounded, and they are sometimes expanded until the cream of the jest sours.
Ambiguity of a non-repetitious kind describes the dilemma one girl found herself in.
"I'm terribly upset", she told a girl-friend.
"I wrote Bill in my last letter to forget that I had told him that I didn't mean to reconsider my decision not to change my mind -- and he seems to have misunderstood me".
Evidently Bill was another of those men who simply don't understand women.

Another case involves a newspaper reporter who tripped up a politician.
"Mr. Jones, you may recall that we printed last week your denial of having retracted the contradiction of your original statement.
Now would you care to have us say that you were misquoted in regard to it"?

Questions like this, framed in verbal fog, are perhaps the only kind that have ever stumped an experienced politician.
They recall Byron's classic comment: "I wish he would explain his explanation".
Similarly, when a reporter once questioned Lincoln in cryptic fashion, Lincoln refused to make any further statement.
"I fear explanations explanatory of things explained", he said, leaving the biter bit -- and bitter.

The obscurity of politicians may not always be as innocent as it looks.
"Senator", said an interviewer, "your constituents can't understand from your speech last night just how you stand on the question".
"Good"!
Replied the Senator.
"It took me five hours to write it that way".

The misplaced modifier is another species more honored in the observance of obscurity than in the breach.
This creates an amusing effect because its position in a sentence seems to make it apply to the wrong word.
A verse familiar to all grammarians is the quatrain: "I saw a man once beat his wife When on a drunken spree.
Now can you tell me who was drunk -- The man, his wife, or me"?

The "wooden-leg" gag of vaudeville, another standby of this sort, had endless variations.

"There's a man outside with a wooden leg named Smith".
"What's the name of his other leg"?

Another stock vaudeville gag ran: "Mother is home sick in bed with the doctor".

When radio came in, it continued the misplaced modifier in its routines as a standard device.

"Do you see that pretty girl standing next to the car with slacks on"?
"I see the girl but I don't see the car with slacks on".

In recent years gagwriters have discovered this brand of blunder and thus the misplaced modifier has acquired a new habitat in the gagline.
In one cartoon a family is shown outside a theater with the head of the family addressing the doorman: "Excuse me, but when we came out we found that we had left my daughter's handbag and my wife's behind".

Journalism supplies us with an endless run of such slips.
Not long ago a newspaper advised those taking part in a contest that "snapshots must be of a person not larger than Af inches".

Classified ads are also chockfull of misrelated constructions.
Readers of the Reader's Digest are familiar with such items which often appear in its lists of verbal slips, like the ad in a California paper that advertised "House for rent.
View takes in five counties, two bedrooms".

Since brevity is the soul of ambiguity as well as wit, newspaper headlines continually provide us with amusing samples.
"Officials Meet on rubbish.
Many Shapes in bathtubs.
Son and Daughter of Local Couple Married".

Apart from misplaced modifiers and headlinese, journalism contributes a wide variety of comic ambiguities in both editorial and advertising matter.

A weekly newspaper reported a local romance: "and the couple were married last Saturday, thus ending a friendship which began in their schooldays".

An item in the letters column of a newspaper renewed a subscription, adding: "I personally enjoy your newspaper as much as my husband".

Then there was the caterer's ad which read: "are you getting married or having an affair?
We have complete facilities to accommodate 200 people".

The newspaper too is the favorite habitat of the anatomical.
This slip is so-called because its semi-ambiguous English always seems to refer to a person's anatomy but never quite means what it seems to say.
Samples: He walked in upon her invitation.
She kissed him passionately upon his reappearance.
He kissed her back.

Not without good reason has the anatomical been called jocular journalese.
In news items a man is less often shot in the body or head than in the suburbs.
"While Henry Morgan was escorting Miss Vera Green from the church social last Saturday night, a savage dog attacked them and bit Mr. Morgan on the public square".

Such items recall the California journalist who reported an accident involving a movie star: "The area in which Miss N -- was injured is spectacularly scenic".

The double meaning in the anatomical made it a familiar vaudeville device, as in the gags of Weber and Fields.
When a witness at court was asked if he had been kicked in the ensuing rumpus, he replied, "No, it was in the stomach".
Strangely enough, this always brought the house down.

Apart from journalese and vaudeville gags, the anatomical is also found in jocular literature.
A conscientious girl became the secretary of a doctor.
Her first day at work she was puzzled by an entry in the doctor's notes on an emergency case.
It read: "Shot in the lumbar region".
After a moment of thought, her mind cleared and, in the interest of clarity, she typed into the record: "Shot in the woods".

There are many grammatical misconstructions other than dangling modifiers and anatomicals which permit two different interpretations.
At the home of a gourmet the new maid was instructed in the fine points of serving.
"I want the fish served whole, with head and tail", the epicure explained, "and serve it with lemon in mouth".
The maid demurred.
"That's silly -- lemon in mouth", she said.
But since the gourmet insisted that it is done that way at the most fashionable dinners, the girl reluctantly agreed.
So she brought the fish in whole, and she carried a lemon in her mouth.

Another specimen of such double-entendre is illustrated by a woman in a department store.
She said to the saleslady, "I want a dress to put on around the house".
The puzzled saleslady inquired, "How large is your house, Madam"?

This saleslady was a failure in the dress department and was transferred to the shoe department.
When a customer asked for alligator shoes, she said, "What size is your alligator"?

The comic indefinite comprises an extensive class of comedy.
One species is restricted to statements which are neither explicit nor precise regarding a particular person, place, time or thing.
A woman met a famous author at a literary tea.
"Oh, I'm so delighted to meet you", she gushed.
"It was only the other day that I saw something of yours, about something or other, in some magazine".

This baffling lack of distinct details recalls the secretary whose employer was leaving the office and told her what to answer if anyone called in his absence.
"I may be back", he explained, "and then again, I may not".
The girl nodded understandingly.
"Yes, sir", she said, "is that definite"?

An old-fashioned mother said to her modern daughter, "You must have gotten in quite late last night, dear.
Where were you"?
The daughter replied, "Oh, I had dinner with -- well, you don't know him but he's awfully nice -- and we went to a couple of places -- I don't suppose you've heard of them -- and we finished up at a cute little night club -- I forget the name of it.
Why, it's all right, isn't it, Mother"?
Her woolly-minded parent agreed.
"Of course, dear", she said.
"It's only that I like to know where you go".

No less ambiguous was the indefinity of a certain clergyman's sermon.
"Dearly beloved", he preached, "unless you repent of your sins in a measure, and become converted to a degree, you will, I regret to say, be damned to a more or less extent".
This clergyman should have referred to Shakespeare's dictum: "So-so is a good, very good, very excellent maxim.
And yet it is not.
It is but so-so".

Indefinite reference also carries double-meaning where an allusion to one person or thing seems to refer to another.
A news item described the launching of a ship: "Completing the ceremony, the beautiful movie star smashed a bottle of champagne over her stern as she slid gracefully down the ways into the sea".

This is not unlike the order received by the sergeant of an army motor pool: "Four trucks to Fort Mason gym, 7:30 tonight, for hauling girls to dance.
The bodies must be cleaned and seats wiped off".

A politician was approached by a man seeking the office of a minor public official who had just died.
"What are my chances for taking Joe's place"?
He asked.
"If you can fix it up with the undertaker", returned the politician, "it's all right with me".

The manager of a movie theater received a telephone call from a woman who was equally indefinite.
"What have you got on today"?
She inquired.
"A blue suit", he answered.
"Who's in it"?
She continued.
"I am", he said.
There was a short pause for reflection.
"Oh", said the woman, "I've seen that picture already".

Another brand of indefinite reference arises out of the use of the double verb.
When a question contains two verbs, the response does not make clear which of them is being answered.

The moonlit night was made for romance, and he had been looking at her soulfully for some time.
Finally he asked, "Do you object to petting"?
"That's one thing I've never done", she said promptly.
He thought a moment, then inquired, "You mean petted"?
"No", she smiled, "objected".

Replies to requests for character reference are notorious for their evasive double-entendre.
It would be hard to find anything more equivocal than: "I cannot recommend him too highly".

Another less ambiguous case read as follows: "The bearer of this letter has served me for two years to his complete satisfaction.
If you are thinking of giving him a berth, be sure to make it a wide one".

In the comedy of indefinite reference, it-wit occupies a prominent place because of its frequent occurrence.
Ambiguity arises when the pronoun it carries a twofold reference.

Two friends were talking.
One said, "When I get a cold I buy a bottle of whiskey for it, and within a few hours it's gone".
The speaker referred to the whiskey but his friend thought he meant the cold.

It-wit is a misnomer because it covers slips as well as wit.
An excited woman was making an emergency call over the phone: "Doctor, please come over right away.
My husband is in great pain.